How to Find Out Who You Really Are (With Examples)

You look at the people around you and everyone seems to have it figured out except you.

You find yourself continuing to ask yourself, “who am I?”

In your heart you know that you are meant to do more, to make a positive difference in the world but you don’t know how.

You know your capable of more and want to take into your fullest potential. But honestly, you’re feeling well…stuck.

The truth is, most of us don’t know ourselves nearly as well as we think we do. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Instead of looking to the outside world for answers, the key is to look within and to discover what is hidden in our subconscious awareness.

This is a 3 part process to get you started.

1. Get to Know Yourself

An amazing holistic psychologist by the name of Dr. Nicole LePera once said that our personality and who we are formed by 3 things:

• Our core beliefs: beliefs we internalized as ‘truth’ before age 7 about ourselves, others, & the world around us

• Habit behaviors: our unconscious (autopilot) responses including the way we speak, react, & the thoughts we practice

• Coping mechanisms: the way we cope with stressful emotions & situations (often modeled by our caregivers)

Many people unconsciously go through their entire lives without being aware of these things. In fact, it’s normal.

But that doesn’t have to be you.

You can explore your core beliefs, habit behaviors and coping mechanisms to cultivate a deeper understanding of who you are (which is incredibly empowering).

Once you have cultivated an awareness of your conditioning from childhood or from society in general, you can break free from it if you want.

You can create a new story for your life… a better story.

2. Be Selfish

Going back to the wise words from Dr. Nicole LePera… here are some simple recommended steps:

• “Core beliefs are the lens through which we see the world…these can be unlearned (through questioning ‘Do I actually believe this?’ ‘Does this belief serve who I want to be?’

• Our habit behaviors are our unconscious (autopilot) responses including the way we speak, react and our repeating thoughts. The work is to become present & make conscious choices beyond our habit behaviors.

• Coping mechanisms where the ways we have been modeled to cope with stressful emotions or situations by caregivers. Ideally, we want to navigate stress & recover/return to a baseline of calm. These are called adaptive coping mechanisms (i.e. taking a quick walk, pausing & breathing, sitting with emotions as they pass).”

Take some time to think about it. What did you learn about yourself? What do you like? What do you want to change?

Whatever you come up with is ok. There’s no judgement here. It’s all about self-discovery.

3. Dive In

As you go along, you’ll likely notice a gradual personal transformation.

Be gentle with yourself and take time for self-reflection.

• Sit quietly and observe your thoughts, what is coming up?

• Keep a journal of your progress

• Identify what sparks your passion, what makes you inspired?

• What kind of impact do you want to make on the world?

• Practice mindfulness by taking a pause before you speak or react

It’s not uncommon to discover that you may want to make changes or set new boundaries. It can help to start small and make gradual adjustments.

For example, if you find that you have a habit behavior of staying quiet in work meetings but wish your voice was heard more, start there.

Practice raising your hand or mentioning to the group that you have an idea or new perspective to share. Keep trying it until it starts to feel more natural.

After you feel you mastered it, move on to the next thing.

The Path to Peace

The truth is, most of us don’t know ourselves nearly as well as we think we do. But with self-discovery we can begin to find out who we really are.

And remember… it’s about the journey, not the destination. Self-discovery takes time and part of what makes it so rewarding is observing the growth we make along the way.

You’ll finally be able to answer the question, “who am I?”

You’ll gain clarity about what you want your life to look like and how you can obtain your goals.

You’ll be able to live a life based on what YOU want instead of doing what you think you should do or what other people tell you to do.

You’ll find peace.



Writer for conscious marketing. The world is loud. Learn how to stand out for all the right reasons.

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Sara Winiecki

Writer for conscious marketing. The world is loud. Learn how to stand out for all the right reasons.